Post by RaShayRitto on Oct 17, 2009 2:11:51 GMT -5
Captain Diego of the S.S. Chiquita, a space vessel shaped like a banana wedged between an orange and an apple, yawned as he poured salsa on his morning breakfast of mini burritos in a bowl. It was nearly 5am back home, and the farmers were surely starting their days harvesting the tacos from the taco fields. His skin tight black outfit made shiffing noises as he walked to the dining room's table and sat down. He sighed as he could no longer ignore his crew member who had been staring closely at him with a smug look on his face.
"It looks GREAT, Hernando," he unconvincingly surrendered. Hernando smiled gleefully and leaned back in his chair, giving the captain a full view of his body tightly wrapped in a bright pink space suit.
"I knew you'd like the idea once you saw it in action, sir!" A spoon clatters against ceramic on the other side of the table as Ferdinando slowly turns his gaze to Hernando with a stern look on his face. Diego wondered, despite himself, what Ferdinando would say about Hernando's new suit design.
"I would love to see YOU in action, Hernando" Ferdinando said breathily, his eyes wanting to bore through that tiny layer of pink and take in the bare body of his comrade. Hernando leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table as he matched his friend's expression.
"Oh, Ferdinando.." he said, his words laced so heavily with ecstasy it would make a horses pole-arm pierce the night sky. Not to be outdone, Ferdinando leaned in even closer"
"Hernando"
"Ferdinando" the two were inching slowly toward each other with each turn as the two gradually lost themselves in mutual desire.
"Hernan-"
"Enough!" cried Diego as he slammed his fist on the table. "you two are impossible!" Diego's breathing slowed as he calmed down, his muscled chest rising and falling visibly beneath his suit.
"Oh captain youre so flustered!" the other two cried in unison, their thirst for one another instantly forgotten thanks to the captains rugged good looks. Diego began to scold them again when sudden a slight tremor passes through the dining area, accompanied by a faint explosive noise. The three exchanged glances and ran in the direction of the commotion.
"Oh sheet!" screamed Jose as a high-velocity chili bean grazed his left nut. He dove behind one of the lounge couches just in time to avoid many more. The automatic door slid open and there stood his comrades. Their expressions were a mix of confusion and shock. Holes peppered the walls of the room as if someone had unloaded a machine gun. Every piece of furniture was smashed to pieces. Diego's trained eye quickly shot to the one thing in the room that remained unscathed--the TV
A devilish face leered at the homoerotic Spanish space men as it continued to use the chili vending machine as it own weapon.
"What in god name..." Hernando trailed off
"Its a taco imp" answered Diego through gritted teeth. Truly with his many years on the force he had seen his fair share of the evil in this galaxy, but he never imagined he would see the most feared creature known to beaner-kind.
"A taco imp" he repeated. "The embodiment of the mass bastardization of our culture. Taco Bell" The captains eyes narrowed as he reached for his holdster. The demonic face laughed at his futile efforts of retaliation.
"What can you possibly beat me with, puny man? I can mass produce bean paste by the tons to be squirted on factory pressed tortillas all over the human worlds!" The face stopped to observe the fear slowly overtake his opponent. But no, Diego did not hesitate another moment. He quickly whipped his out, his buritto that is. Diego's burrito was the talk of the federation. Many stories existed that spoke of its unimaginable girth, firmness, and dexterity--but none of the crew members had seen it in action until now.
Hernando and Ferdinando dropped to their knees as their bodies felt weak with desire and longing, their eyes transfixed on the massive, perfectly rolled burrito in Diego's hand.
"Fags.." said Jose with crossed arms as he left the lounge to get some well deserved rest.
Like lightning Diego's hand thrust forward, sending the burrito in a perfect spiral toward the screen. Fear overtook the imp as the glass was pierced by the tip of Diego's large meat roll.
"N-no! how can it be so powerful! nooooo-hrrrngh" the imps words were suddenly drowned out as the burrito snaked its way down his throat. He was astonished at how it forcefully parted his teeth, and glided so easily down his esophagus. His tongue played along the bottom of it, taking in the feeling of every ridge, every bulge--until darkness overtook him.
Minutes later Diego polished off his Burrito and carefully replaced it in his holdster. Hernando and Ferdinando has long since fainted in ecstasy and lay sprawled on the floor. The defeated beast looked upon the captain in awe before timidly speaking.
"How....how is your burrito so much bigger than mine?" Diego turned to regard his foe, his expression blank but with the slightest hint of pity, not hate.
"Size was not your downfall, strong demon. You do not truly understand the power of Hispanic cuisine. First, one must go hunting, naked, in the sacred forest. Once you have spotted the celestial bear, you must bring it down with one thrust of your natural spear--failure to do so would be death. You must then grind the meat between your bare thighs until it is soft and brittle. Place it on a tortilla just pressed by the hands of a Mexican mother, and let it lay out in the sun.
You must then make love to a beautiful woman in front of it, letting it bask in the heat of the sun and the glory of your lust. When you have done this...you will have truly made a burrito" Diego's words were met with silence. The beast hung its head, realization overtaking it in its final moments--and then nothing.
Another day had just begun on the S.S. Chiquita, and Diego wondered how much more of this gay bullshit he could take.
The End
"It looks GREAT, Hernando," he unconvincingly surrendered. Hernando smiled gleefully and leaned back in his chair, giving the captain a full view of his body tightly wrapped in a bright pink space suit.
"I knew you'd like the idea once you saw it in action, sir!" A spoon clatters against ceramic on the other side of the table as Ferdinando slowly turns his gaze to Hernando with a stern look on his face. Diego wondered, despite himself, what Ferdinando would say about Hernando's new suit design.
"I would love to see YOU in action, Hernando" Ferdinando said breathily, his eyes wanting to bore through that tiny layer of pink and take in the bare body of his comrade. Hernando leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table as he matched his friend's expression.
"Oh, Ferdinando.." he said, his words laced so heavily with ecstasy it would make a horses pole-arm pierce the night sky. Not to be outdone, Ferdinando leaned in even closer"
"Hernando"
"Ferdinando" the two were inching slowly toward each other with each turn as the two gradually lost themselves in mutual desire.
"Hernan-"
"Enough!" cried Diego as he slammed his fist on the table. "you two are impossible!" Diego's breathing slowed as he calmed down, his muscled chest rising and falling visibly beneath his suit.
"Oh captain youre so flustered!" the other two cried in unison, their thirst for one another instantly forgotten thanks to the captains rugged good looks. Diego began to scold them again when sudden a slight tremor passes through the dining area, accompanied by a faint explosive noise. The three exchanged glances and ran in the direction of the commotion.
"Oh sheet!" screamed Jose as a high-velocity chili bean grazed his left nut. He dove behind one of the lounge couches just in time to avoid many more. The automatic door slid open and there stood his comrades. Their expressions were a mix of confusion and shock. Holes peppered the walls of the room as if someone had unloaded a machine gun. Every piece of furniture was smashed to pieces. Diego's trained eye quickly shot to the one thing in the room that remained unscathed--the TV
A devilish face leered at the homoerotic Spanish space men as it continued to use the chili vending machine as it own weapon.
"What in god name..." Hernando trailed off
"Its a taco imp" answered Diego through gritted teeth. Truly with his many years on the force he had seen his fair share of the evil in this galaxy, but he never imagined he would see the most feared creature known to beaner-kind.
"A taco imp" he repeated. "The embodiment of the mass bastardization of our culture. Taco Bell" The captains eyes narrowed as he reached for his holdster. The demonic face laughed at his futile efforts of retaliation.
"What can you possibly beat me with, puny man? I can mass produce bean paste by the tons to be squirted on factory pressed tortillas all over the human worlds!" The face stopped to observe the fear slowly overtake his opponent. But no, Diego did not hesitate another moment. He quickly whipped his out, his buritto that is. Diego's burrito was the talk of the federation. Many stories existed that spoke of its unimaginable girth, firmness, and dexterity--but none of the crew members had seen it in action until now.
Hernando and Ferdinando dropped to their knees as their bodies felt weak with desire and longing, their eyes transfixed on the massive, perfectly rolled burrito in Diego's hand.
"Fags.." said Jose with crossed arms as he left the lounge to get some well deserved rest.
Like lightning Diego's hand thrust forward, sending the burrito in a perfect spiral toward the screen. Fear overtook the imp as the glass was pierced by the tip of Diego's large meat roll.
"N-no! how can it be so powerful! nooooo-hrrrngh" the imps words were suddenly drowned out as the burrito snaked its way down his throat. He was astonished at how it forcefully parted his teeth, and glided so easily down his esophagus. His tongue played along the bottom of it, taking in the feeling of every ridge, every bulge--until darkness overtook him.
Minutes later Diego polished off his Burrito and carefully replaced it in his holdster. Hernando and Ferdinando has long since fainted in ecstasy and lay sprawled on the floor. The defeated beast looked upon the captain in awe before timidly speaking.
"How....how is your burrito so much bigger than mine?" Diego turned to regard his foe, his expression blank but with the slightest hint of pity, not hate.
"Size was not your downfall, strong demon. You do not truly understand the power of Hispanic cuisine. First, one must go hunting, naked, in the sacred forest. Once you have spotted the celestial bear, you must bring it down with one thrust of your natural spear--failure to do so would be death. You must then grind the meat between your bare thighs until it is soft and brittle. Place it on a tortilla just pressed by the hands of a Mexican mother, and let it lay out in the sun.
You must then make love to a beautiful woman in front of it, letting it bask in the heat of the sun and the glory of your lust. When you have done this...you will have truly made a burrito" Diego's words were met with silence. The beast hung its head, realization overtaking it in its final moments--and then nothing.
Another day had just begun on the S.S. Chiquita, and Diego wondered how much more of this gay bullshit he could take.
The End